Calming

Things have definitely calmed down a bit here at Canaan. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us! 
Sister Gladys left on Friday with 9 kids, headed for the states. They missed convention, but still get to spend almost 2 weeks just seeing America. I wish I could be here when they returned, I would love to hear how their experience was!

Some guys came to fix the water pump on Friday, but apparently it was not the pump, it was a couple leaks in our pipes combined with our pipes being too big and not getting enough pressure to make it up the hill to our houses. I think they fixed it short term, but long term, in order to use the new well, they will probably have to get all new pipes. We just started getting water today, but its really dirty water. Hopefully it will clean out soon.

Luckily, our great friend Karl, who lives down at the beach resort, Moulin Ser Mer, has let us shower at his place every night for the past couple of nights. It has been such a blessing! Hot water, air conditioning and TV. A definite change from Canaan life! He is going home Tuesday for a 10 day vacation. We may be spending some time over there next week enjoying air conditioning and TV .

Things seem to be getting better around here, but most of us will be leaving within the next 3 weeks.
So prayers for the new missionaries coming!
A girl will be coming tomorrow to take over the Mamba program for Caroline while she takes a short break. On the 10th 4-5 new girls will be coming for the summer reading and art program. There will literally be no long term missionaries here, nor Sister Gladys or Pastor Henry for most of their stay. I really hope they get used to the crazy life here and can make it through!

Caroline, Kendall and I are all leaving June 8th. I am super excited for Kendall to be on the same flight as me, because most of the time, leaving Haiti, you’re lucky to make your connecting flight. Everyone’s on Haitian time, always at least an hour late.
Pray for Caroline as this is her first break since October! She is beyond excited to get home! Things in America change every 5 minutes, so I’m sure it will be a pretty big change after 8 months of being in Haiti. Chick-fil-a is bound to be her first stop!
I hope to spend this summer fundraising and finding a short-term job so that I can come back for all of next year! I am excited for going home, but last time I missed this place SO much! I hope I can last 2 months!
I am so excited for next year, just pray for me, that I find the funds to make it back! I don’t know what I would do without this place in my life right now. God has put me exactly where I need to be. I have complete faith he will make things work out!

 

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

Lifeless

Today proves another difference in our cultures. 
Here at Canaan we are SO incredibly blessed. We are sheltered from many of the evils and horrors of this country. We don't see the riots and craziness that goes on daily. Things you could never imagine. Things that you just wouldn't be able to get away with in America. You can get away with here, even murder.  Sister Gladys has told us horror stories, but stories are much different than real life. 
Kendall has been going to Port every day with Sister Gladys for the past two weeks. My last visit I was here for 3 months and maybe went to Port 3 times. So this is an unusual amount for her. That town is crazy and just on the outskirts there is a town called City Solei, it's considered the slums of Haiti. The poorest of the poor, filled with gangs and unimaginable poverty. 
As they were driving home today, Kendall left this sheltered life of Canaan and had to experience real life in Haiti...
On the side of the road, a main road, next to the soccer field where all the kids play, was a man, lying with his head towards the traffic and a rope around his neck, clearly deceased. Kendall has described the image in much more detail to me, it's not ok what she had to see. It's an image she probably will never forget. But along with the image, the most heart breaking of all, is how ok this is in Haiti. How people were walking and driving right around him, going on with their daily lives. 
See here, if you steal, they just kill you. They leave you out in broad daylight for everyone to see, so everyone knows you were a thief. Clearly we don't know the story behind this death. Judging by what was described, this man probably betrayed someone, somehow. 
Regardless of the circumstances, it's just not okay. At least not in my eyes. I am not saying murders and deaths don't happen. Or that people all over the world don't see devastating things. It's not so much the act or image, just saddened how normal the whole concept seems.  
Sister Gladys said you just learn to block it. You see so many horrible things that you have to block them out and go about your life. This is clearly what they have to do around here. 
One of the girls from school was in the car. She's about 15 or 16. She was going to town to try to get her Visa. Kendall said when the girl saw this, she laughed... It's like they truly don't know how to deal with emotions. They don't cry, so instead I suppose their reaction is to laugh. I can't imagine the feelings going through Kendalls head at this point. 
To be honest when she told me this, I myself just blocked it out. It didn't seem real. It is nothing I could ever imagine seeing. Not just on the side of the road, while people calmly walked by.  Most of all it just breaks my heart to see how unaffected these people have needed to become. I can't blame them, at some point you just become numb. Especially if you start seeing all this destruction and death as a young child. Today just one more hit. God keeps throwing curve balls. We just keep praying. 
This is life. This is normal. This is Haiti. 


Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Discouraged

Each day it seems, we are hit with a new blow. I feel like everything is against us. Not only Canaan, but especially the missionaries. We struggle to understand the culture here sometimes, but we do not judge them for who they are, what they believe or how they live. However we continue to feel their judgements every day. Here lately more frequently. We can't help that we have grown up in America, that we were definitely blessed throughout our lives. God has put me here for a reason, and I have chosen to accept being here and living this way. However we cannot help but miss certain luxuries, such as running water and air conditioning; missing family and friends. I can also not apologize for missing these things. Yet they blatantly judge us.
We often go down to the beach, even just in the evenings at times, to enjoy certain things which are normal to us. We have a friend who lives there and he let us spend the afternoon in his air-conditioned apartment watching television. Something we really enjoyed! We had a rough morning and spending time there put us all in better spirits.
That small act, us enjoying air-conditioning, caused more issues. Caused another blow. Proving some people here do not understand us and clearly choose to not even try.
It's disheartening. I love this country and these people. I am here because I choose it, because God chose it. I refuse to let these people push me away. That doesn't make it easy though. I know in my heart this is where I am supposed to be.
I believe we have all just been so shattered lately. I hope we can all just turn to God in this time and fight this together. How can we ask others to pray for us, when we are unwilling to pray for each other here.   We need more than ever to come together, and fight these evils, because it is clear at this point, they are winning....

"Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me- now let me rejoice." Psalm 51:8

Broken Down

Remember how they say things always get worse before they get better…
I am laying in my bed napping this afternoon. I wake up hearing what sounds like all of Canaan marching up the hill behind our house. Well, here goes all these Canaanites and Sister Gladys up the hill. At this point I just think it’s another one of her get together’s, maybe some prayer time. How wrong I was.
Canaan has about 90 acres of land, none of which is fenced in. Sister Gladys and Pastor Henry just feel safe and feel no reason to fence us in. Well lately we have been getting more and more of what we call squatters. People who are slowing moving onto our land and building houses. They keep getting closer and closer.
I am not exactly sure what happened to start this chain of events today, but clearly something set SG off. So she marched up the hill and more or less told all the people to get off of our land or else. There was a new house being built way too close, so she decided to break it down….not even kidding. She also said, she would break more tomorrow!
They really are not too thrilled about it…We can hear them screaming from our house. Clearly Canaan does not have our land marked off, so I don’t really think these people knew. However, at this point they are throwing a fit. I guess I would be too if I just got kicked out of my house, even though I was on someone else’s land.
They have been screaming for quite some time…really not too impressed. Just before dinner they started throwing rocks at the boys dorm. So SG went over and unleashed. Then they started throwing rocks towards her. Sister Gladys and Pastor Joel have been standing guard for almost 2 hours now. One of the ladies pushed Pastor Joel and tried to fight him, but Sister Gladys got in between them. That woman is afraid of nothing! Love her!
Now the UN have showed up and hopefully are stepping in. It is really dark outside, so I am not sure what is going on at the moment. Just pray for us! Once everyone goes to bed, there is no telling what these crazy people might try! I am sure there will be people up all night guarding, but you never know around here. TIH, you just can’t make this stuff up!

Patience

 

I somehow missed the patience trait. I try so hard with these kids, but they push you to your limits. They crave one on one attention, and they only way they know how to get it, is by acting out. I have known that from the beginning, but it does not make it any easier. One minute they are so sweet, and two seconds later they can be your worst enemy.
Sister Gladys told us one of the kids came to her one day and was so upset. She was crying and asking why Sister Gladys didn’t care about her, because she never reprimanded her. This little girl never got in trouble, and felt that no one cared for her because of it.
It is hard to find a balance between being their supervisor and their friend. To be in school and be in charge, then an hour after school is over we are all hanging out. It’s too hard not to hang out with these kids. The difference in their personalities and attitudes in and outside of school is like night and day.
I lost my patience today and kicked one of the girls out of school. I couldn’t take it anymore. She refused to answer any questions I asked, and blatantly told me no on several occasions. Clearly I was being tested, and I failed miserably. It was all about the attention she could get, and I was just over it.
Also being that school is just a walk away from their dorms, children just disappear whenever they feel like it. There really is no control.  Too many kids and not enough teachers. Tomorrow we are going to be short 3 teachers. We are spread so thin. I have only been back at the school for 2 weeks and am reaching a breaking point. We are there from 730 until 5 most days and by Friday I am exhausted.
I have to just keep praying for my patience with these kids. I get to the point where I literally don’t think I can handle anymore, and somehow by the grace of God, I can’t help but love them all so much.

A new thing Sister Gladys is trying, a bible study with the Haitian adults. So tonight at 6 they all went to the café to meet. While Kendall, Caroline, Cassie, Greg and I got to watch 60 some odd children…talk about needing patience.  I’m thinking there is a possibility this will be a regular thing…It was totally crazy, but so much fun! It was a great chance to spend some quality time with all of the kids and babies. I am beyond exhaustion, they wear me out!
Ready for a good nights rest and hopefully a more patient day tomorrow!

Time to Process

Thank you to everyone who is praying for us at Canaan. Having today off, can’t decide if it has been a good thing, or a bad thing. I guess we keep ourselves so busy we don’t have much time to sit and think about everything that is happening around us. However, today we had that time. Sister Gladys finally had a day to process everything and talk with everyone. She met with the Haitian staff members this morning. Amongst all the evils and separation, yet another problem is between the Haitian staff and the American staff. For me personally, I can’t speak the language, so I am not trying to be rude. It is just very hard to communicate. However as a whole, they feel that the missionaries are being rude by not communicating. They brought this issue up to Sister Gladys, and said they are not going to care about us, if we refuse to care about them. Clearly that did not go over so well.
We have been going down to beach in the evenings a lot lately to try and escape all this stress. With Sister Gladys being away, we have not really communicated where we were going, or when we would get back. So this afternoon, we also got a firm talking to. A three and half hour conversation with Sister Gladys. It amazes me how much that woman knows. I have yet to sit and have a one on one conversation with her, yet she knows so many details about my life, and about who I am. God truly speaks through this woman. I can not fully explain, but she just knows. She knows everything. So far every time she has spoken to us, I have cried.
Amongst all this chaos, and even though she was a little frustrated with us, her words touched my heart.
I am feeling more at peace, but things around here are still not so great.
Right now she is speaking to the Haitian staff again. Earlier, she gave them an ultimatum. Shape up or leave. Some staff may be leaving us tonight. So I ask that you just pray for those people. I don’t know all the reasons, or details of this situation. I do know, we are short staffed as it is, so these next few weeks may be rough.
Convention….
As of now, last I heard, our kids will not be making it. There is not enough room on the flights. Check in is Saturday, or Sunday for a 25$ late fee per child. Even if they make it to Miami they still have to make the drive to Virginia. It’s not looking so great. We prayed a lot about it with Sister Gladys and she feels like this was all meant to happen. I believe the same. She feels that she needs to be here at Canaan through this rough time. She was thinking another option would be to take them next week, just for the end of convention, so they could see everyone’s work, and the award ceremony. Maybe get them to work harder for next year. And then spend a week traveling around. Who knows what will happen. It is all in God’s hands. All we can do is pray. Pray for these children, because they are going to be so devastated. Just pray that something good can come out of all of this craziness.

Prayer

How to sum up Canaan at the moment...things here are not so great. This place is always busy and always crazy. But lately there has just been more evil than usual. No one can explain it, or point out any certain causes. The spiritual warfare is at its worst. Spirts are low and stress is high.
Pastor Henry has been away for over a month now, in the states. Sister Gladys is here very little and has a ridiculous amount going on. She came back from the states on Sunday and has yet to really sleep. She is losing her voice and really I just do not know how this lady does it all.
They are trying to get some of the kids to Convention, for school, in the states. Getting them out of the country has been the most consuming and ridiculous thing I have ever seen. International Convention happens once a year, where kids from all over that are involved in the A.C.E program, can come together and compete in different competitions; sports, games, writing, etc. Canaan kids look forward to it every year, it's a chance for them to go to the states, and just a fun time to get away. However, things in Haiti and Canaan never go as planned.
Flights were bought for tomorrow. At this point, no one is leaving tomorrow. No visas have been granted yet. This has been such a long process, and they keep sending everyone in circles. One of the older girls is graduating, and her graduation is in Tennessee. She has been so excited and getting all the final things done. Today, they denied her. The Embassy said they did not think she had clear plans for while she was in the States. She still doesn't know. At this moment she is taking one of her last tests. It's heartbreaking.
To make things even better, tomorrow is flag day, a national holiday, everything in Haiti is shut down. The earliest the kids will be able to get Visas is Thursday. They are supposed to fly into Miami and drive to Virginia. Convention starts Saturday. The airline they are flying with has one flight a day. Not even sure if we do get the Visas, that there will be room on the flights. We still have no idea who is actually going to be able to leave, and these poor kids are packed and ready to go. No one has broken the news to them yet, no one knows what to say. No one knows if they will even make it at all.

Beyond the Convention...
Caroline was planning on leaving in a couple of weeks to take a baby to the states who needed surgery. The baby has no anus and going to the states to have surgery was actually an easy fix. It was just a matter of getting her there. Monday morning, the mother came to the clinic. There is no straight story, but the baby passed away on Thrusday. The family thinks it was witch craft, clearly that is not the case. The mother showed up saying she does not remember anything since Thrusday evening, when it all happened. She had been wandering around for almost 4 days. This has also put bad air over Canaan. Things were all set up for this little girl to fly to the states. I know God has a plan, and this baby is no longer suffering. It has been especially hard on Caroline, because she was so excited to take her back and help this little girl.

Some teachers in the school also have things going on. No one has voiced what exactly, but things have been different. The air is bad, tension is everywhere you turn. The missionaries have started to seperate, we have not had time for our weekly meeting. We're all on different schedules.
Elsie is supposed to be leaving in the morning for Costa Rica, but the president is supposed to be speaking in a town near Port, so she needs to leave really early to avoid crazy traffic. Things like this just don't happen in the states. It's such random chaos all the time.

There are also tadpoles in our shower. There were frogs in our water tank, that apparently laid eggs, (this is not the first time) and now we shower with tadpoles raining down on us. Fabulous.
Also, our amazing cook Sister Rose, has decided to leave. I think she is just burnt out. Spending all day in the kitchen by herself. They really need two cooks to have shifts, because the poor lady does not get to have a life. We do what we can to give her days off, but when groups come, its just so hard.

I feel like I am just complaining, but really I just don't even know what to do at this point.
Sister Gladys sat down with us last week and had a conversation with all the missionaries. I remember he specifically saying, bad things are happening at Cannan, please just pray. Bad things are happening, we may not see them, but we all feel them. It is tense all the time. If we don't start to really pray, I fear for what might come. Life here is hard enough, all of this added....
We all just need prayer. The missionaries, Pastor Henry, Sister Gladys, the children, the workers, all of Haiti. Please just pray for things here....

A day in the life...

Finally back to Haiti! I have missed this place SOOO much! I knew I missed it, but did not realize how much, until I got to see all the beautiful faces of these children! I left Canaan in the middle of their fair. It was an absolutely crazy time, and I was looking forward to coming back to a somewhat more peaceful place, as peaceful as Canaan can get. Oh was I wrong!
I came back in time for school training. They are putting the teachers through the official training course, I believe they do it once a year. I changed my flight so that I could make it here in time for this course. What a surprise I was in for.

My trip started at 430 am on Sunday, leaving Tennessee. I arrived at 11 am in Haiti and was SUPER excited to take a nap. Wrong. There was someone else arriving at 330, so we had to hang out in Port until she arrived. Devastation. Also actually brought back Chick-fil-a for dear Caroline, who might be slightly obsessed with the place. I was totally counting on her picking me up from the airport....wrong again. Sad day, however, the food did make it safe and sound back to her, it was kinda like Christmas haha. So hung out in Port for about four hours, sat in the car with the windows down in the blazing hot sun...WELCOME BACK! It was all worth it though when finally around 6 pm I arrived at Canaan! I missed these kids more than anything!!!
Kendall and I were hoping to get our old room back. Still wrong. I totally do not mind where I am living now though, but the first night was rough! Cassie and a visiting girl were already in our room, so Kendall and I had to sleep on the top bunk....zero fun. Thankfully I was totally exhausted from my day, but I am not a fan of the top bunk. The rats are really loud on our roof and I thought they were just going to come through the ceiling and on my face...Things are settled now and we are both on the bottom bunk thankfully!

So day two begins...we are supposed to be at breakfast at 7 and training at 745. So bright and early after a pretty rough nights sleep, I show up to breakfast...745 rolls around and still no breakfast. Luckily no one could start until we all ate, so it all worked out. So we get to training around 845. We sit in Naomis office until about 1030, I have to remember I am on Haitian time now...always a few hours behind schedule!

So this training class, it has turned Canaan upside down. I thought the fair was rough, this is a whole other evil. This school training has put me as the student...its really not fun. We are treated and expected to act as the children should. Which wouldnt be as bad, except two of the students are helping out. So here I am sitting at my desk asking "my" students if I am allowed to go use the restroom....quite the experience. The first day really felt like a total slap in the face, and I was not the least bit impressed. I was actually quite angry, and it definetly showed. I did not mean to act this way, it was just very hard to be put in that position. To make things even more difficult, our eating schedule was turned all upside down. Since all of the missionaries have our own work throughout the day, mealtimes are when we get to relax and talk about things. I assumed after my first morning in "class" I would be able to vent a little at lunch and ask for some prayer...andddd wrong! Sister Gladys told Cassie and I we were no longer missionaries this week, we were "students" and we were to act like the students all week. This was not helping my frustration. So here's the thing about Haitains. They eat their big meal "dinner" at lunch time. Guess how we are having meals this week, biggg meal at lunch. Fried chicken, rice, plantains, beans, sauce. Great meal, but weird for lunch. Dinner time and its Labouyi, kind of a sweet plantain mush. Not bad, but weird for dinner. This is how they eat around here. Usually all the missionaries sit around eating such great meals for dinner, while everyone else eats this. So its been quite the humbling experience. Breakfast today, spaghetti. Thank goodness I was late and didn't get any, God knew I wouldn't be able to stomach it. Spaghetti and 7 in the morning, not happening. Lunch was rice and meat and beans, the usual. Then there was dinner. It has been the most interesting so far. Bread, butter, cake and hot chocolate...Quite the combination. Mind you this hot chocolate was the BEST I have EVER had! However its about 95 degrees outside, and probably even hotter than that in the cafe with its tin roof. Hot Chocolate...in Haiti, rough!
On to the good news though. I finished all my work today before lunch, and am mostly free from sitting in the boiling hot classroom all day! I still have a few group activites to work throughout the week, but finished 5 PACEs in a day in a half...my kids totally have NO excuses anymore! I took five tests, wrote a report and memorized my bible verse and also read it backwards woot woot. Which gives me E privledge, meaning I would not have to ask permission every time I needed to score, or use the restroom, etc. Doesn't matter much since I am finished. However happy to say I was the first to complete the course and the first to recieve the privledge :o). Wish I had been such an overachiever in High School or College!!
Three days in, rough at times, but This is Haiti! Beyond happy to be back. We will see where this week takes me!

StreSS

Things have been pretty crazy around here lately! I have not had much time to blog, but will try to get something tonight.

For starters, our power has been completely unreliable, which makes having internet or a charged computer very hard!
A couple of days ago, Kendall and I were told at 9 am, that we needed to move out of our room by that same afternoon...So we now have all our stuff horribly crammed into boxes and suitcases and have had to invade the other girls room. Its a mess!
And Canaan is hosting a fair in 2 days...a fair which has COMPLETELY 100% been left until the last min. This fair is for any business or mission in Haiti to come set up a booth and share what they are doing here in Haiti. In an effort to maybe bring us all together, so we can help each other out. I hope that God is with us all, because its down to the wire and there is SO much to be done. SO SO SO much. Just like everything else around here, it is all left until the last second! The fair is supposed to start on April 1 and last through the 10th. So just praying it will all come together!
To add to the stress, school is out because of the fair...for two weeks. Which of course the kids are happy about, and yes it is nice to have a break as a teacher. However, we just went through some pretty big changes, getting a new principal and a whole new set of rules. Just as things are kind of starting to settle in, they have a 2 week break. When they come back from their break, I will be back in the states for my 3 week break...There are many kids that will just stop working in their Math while I am away, and I really don't want that. They are far enough behind as it is...
Then to top all of it off, the kids are trying to get ready for ACE convention. It is a convention held in the states, for schools that participate in the Accelerated Christian Education program. So the kids here have to submit art work, or participate in sports competitions, or singing, or photograpy, the list goes on and on. They enter their talents into this show and ulitmately try to win. Well this is yet another task which has been left until the last second. Convention is May 21. The kids should have probably been prepared and ready in the fall, but here we are...still don't know exactly who is eligible, don't have any passports, don't have outfits for them to wear, or a song for the them to sing, or a way of getting there, or a place to stay....I could probably keep going. But you get the idea.
I procrastinate with a lot of things, but this is all on a whole different level. There is just lingering stress everywhere in Canaan. From the day to day life things, such as water and electricity. And then trying to keep up with 60 some odd children and their futures. It's hard to explain it all, but I am pretty stressed. My vacay home can't come fast enough!
I absolutely love it here, but it is a lot to take in and a lot to deal with each day. I am hoping my break will refresh me!


By the way, the baby boy in my last blog, died last Friday. Pray for his poor grandmother, who was doing everything she could!

Pray

For anyone who reads my blog, please pray for this little boy
He is severly malnourished.
They sent him to the hospital today, hopefully they can get a handle on things.

Not Surprising

It's harder to write, when not much changes day to day.
I think I am just getting so used to this crazy life.
At first I was so shocked everyday and did not think I would ever get used to this life.
Well, shocked now that not much shocks me anymore.

Walked into class and a lizard fell on my head
Paid at the store for a few things and got chiclets back as my change
Almost wrecked on the way to Gonaives because of a cow crossing the road
Almost wrecked on the way home from Gonaives because of a goat crossing the road
We are not allowed to go to certain towns because it is dangerous
The menu at the stop over, chicken, fish or goat...
My room has a rat zapper, three rat traps and rat posion
The other dorm of missionary girls have tadpoles in their shower water
Most Haitian kids know two things in English, Good morning and Give me one dollar

None of this really seems odd to me anymore....

Unless you get to leave Canann, each day really seems the same as the next. It can be very trapping at times, It is very hard to not have a car and to be able to just go anywhere. Not that there is really anywhere to go, but sometimes it just gets frustrating.
Elections are coming up March 20th which means even less traveling anywhere. Please pray that everyone stays safe and there are not crazy riots.

"while you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things...time's flying by, moving so fast, you better make it count cause you can't get it back"

A Beautiful Mess

A normal start to a day at Canaan...

5:00 up for prayer, then back to sleep

6:30 hitting my snooze

6:40 hitting snooze again
6:50 out of bed
7:00ish at the breakfast table
7:30 Singing and Prayer with the teachers before school
8:00 School starts
10:00 break
12:00 lunch
3:00 School is out
3:45 Hike
5:30 Dinner

After dinner, tutoring or bible study, or just chill time.

Today however, around break time in school, I got a message from Teri saying, Sister Gladys "demanded" I go to Port. Demanding in a good way. SG was supposed to take Cassie into port to meet up with some of her friends for the weekend, but she kind of forgot. So she decided that Cassie, Naomi, Kendall and I all go to Port, have lunch and just get away for a "relaxing" afternoon. Port is anything but relaxing...It's not a stress I technically feel at the time, but after all is said and done, my body and mind is overly exhausted.

So Johnny, one of the workers at Canaan, drove us to Port along with some of the staff that normally takes a tap-tap to Port for the weekends to visit family and such.

Before we even started the car, we prayed…for a safe trip to port and back home. It’s amazing how much you really do need to pray around here. I guess the same goes for anywhere, anytime, but here it just seems different. God surrounds our lives; we HAVE to rely on him to get through the day. Back home I had everything I “wanted” and never had to ask God for a thing. Now we pray before we even start the car….

About 30 min in we come across this

…And it wasn't the last wreck of the day, we saw at least 4. I know wrecks happen all the time, but here it is so much different. Trucks and motorcycles are speeding at over 100 MPH pretty much everywhere, with no driving laws, no lines on the road, pretty much no road in most places...

People rarely live through accidents here…In this case a large truck had blown a tire and the bus coming over the hill just smashed right into it, and I am sure it was going a ridiculous speed.  I have also never seen so many blown tires as I have here in Haiti. The roads are just terrible and the cars aren’t much better. As we pass, we pray again…I can’t fully explain the exhaustion of today. But mentally it is unlike anything I have experienced. You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to try and drive in Haiti. It is something that only certain people would be able to handle, not me. Honking is a CONSTANT and well, anything can happen, and will.

We make it safely into Port. I have only just barely seen the surface of Port au Prince; today I went a little deeper. We went further into the city than I had ever been, and I saw new, tragic and wonderful things. These people just amaze me, the lives they live every day, always with a smile on their face. Devastation surrounding them at all times, one hit after another, Hurricane in 2006, Earthquake in 2010, and now Cholera. They are reminded every day of the loved ones they have lost and it seems the pain just keeps going.

The UN is a VERY known presence in Haiti. They are here to show face and just “scare” the people. As far as I know they have no real significant reason of being here, except to show “authority” to try and keep the peace. The UN helicopters are constantly flying around and SO loud. They drive their tanks around and walk around with their guns, looking ready to shoot anyone at any moment, and sadly they will with no qualms. FACT cholera was brought to Haiti by a member of the UN….how’s that for peace keeping.  Over 2,000 have died of Cholera….

As we drive deeper into Port, I now am seeing some of the destruction from the earthquake, a year later…

We meet Sister Gladys and Pastor Henry at Epidor for lunch. Yet another pull of exhaustion. We order and lost in translation, don’t get all the correct food. I was definitely not happy, in fact very mad at first. I have a day to get away and get some “normal” food and I can’t even get that? Then I look outside and I see the young boys, carrying around a cloth, trying to offer to wipe off cars as they are stopped in traffic, just for some money, or anything at all. And I stop myself from being angry, and realize I need to be grateful for any food at all. By this point, I’m not even hungry anymore. Just frustrated…
Frustrated with all my surroundings… Sad and broken hearted for all the people I see. It’s not like walking down the streets in America and seeing a couple of homeless people and feeling a little sad, but not sure of their misfortunes and maybe giving them a couple dollars, or maybe just walking past.
It’s like walking around, absolutely immersed in homelessness and helplessness and so overwhelmed, having Pastor Henry say, “Eat lunch at Epidor, have some ice cream and RELAX” Eating ice cream is almost torture. Eating in general is hard. What can you do…all we can do is pray. I pray for those little children starving, and it really literally hurt to have to eat that ice cream, but he was trying to treat us, and it meant so much.  Our order being messed up left us with two extra burgers, so when we left, as we were stuck in traffic, the boys came to try and wash our car, we said no as usual, but rolled down the window and handed them each a burger. Two little boys got to enjoy burgers today. Who knows if they have food or not, or parents, or a home, but I do know they got to eat something today. It’s impossible to look at everyone and try to imagine a change, but even just helping one, at least it’s something. This is life, this is Haiti…

Prayer

Pastor Henry has asked Kendall and I to pray for Haiti. To pray for this nation and pray for these people. Same time every day, morning and night for 7 days. We are not sure why he asked us, but we know there is a reason we have been asked to do this. We were just sitting at the table the other day and he randomly said, "Haiti needs two girls to pray for its country, will you do it" of course we said yes. Pastor Henry has great insight and I think he sees we are both struggling with our faith, not spending time every day and it is slowly taking a toll, mentally and physically. This country can wear you down, the things you see on a daily basis can bring you to tears all the time. It hurts your heart and your soul all the time if you let it. I know personally I need to spend more time praying to get through each day. Every night when I lay down I am so overly exhausted, I just leave no time for prayer. So with what PH has asked us, I hope we can come out stronger and can wake up each day happier.
This is carnival time in Haiti. I don't quite understand it all, but I know a lot of it invloves Voodoo and it is scary for many people around here. The biggest celebration is in Port au Prince and when asked how they would be able to pull it off this year with all the tents, this is the response...
" This will be a great opportunity to move those individuals in those tents who refuse to relocate, the Government has built temporary housing for those individuals...they are still empty, they refuse to move,  because they like it where they are right now...the tents on the Champ de Mars is not a matter of necessity anymore, but a want for the people living there...every night they are having block parties, some women and pimps have even used many of the tents as brothels for their prostitution businesses...I think it will be the perfect opportunity to use the Carnival to convince them to relocate to the temporary houses...the same way they've moved from the Stadium (Stade Sylvio Cator) because the Soccer Championship had to start..."
It is sad that this is the reality of Haiti, many people are very strong and faith, but just as many practice voodoo and are runing brothels out of tents...So as we pray for this country, I ask you all to pray aswell. Many people don't agree that these people deserve help, but I know God has sent me here for a reason, and even if i just touch the life of one of these children, that is more than enough. No matter your feelings I ask you to open your heart and prayers for this country and these people in depair.

This is Haiti

Things I REALLY miss…

-ICE
-Air-conditioning
-Electricity
-Guaranteed running water
-Sleeping without a mosquito net
-Cell phone
-The English language
-Not being stared at because I am white
-Paying for things without having to go through the hassle of bargaining
-My bed
-Internet that works
-Cold drinking water
-Television
-Washing Machine & Dryer

Things you just have to get used to in Haiti

-Running out of water quite often
-Sweating most of the time
-Taking VERY cold showers
-Being a minority
-Not understanding a word anyone is saying around you
-Random Cows, Goats and Donkeys pretty much everywhere
-Sleeping in a mosquito net
-Always smelling like bug spray
-Constant dogs barking
-Not being able to sleep in even if you have a day off
-Spider webs and spiders everywhere
-Rats in your room at night
-Eating lots of rice
-Hand washing clothes & hanging them out to dry
-People walking up the mountain carrying large buckets and such on their heads and never breaking a sweat
-Men carrying machetes
-Walking into a store and the “guard” up front has a massive gun 
The list goes on and on….TIH

Port...

--Traffic in Port

--Tents near airport

Today was my first trip to Port-au-Prince during the daytime….

When I flew into Port it was already dark so I did not get to see much of it. It was just as shocking as I figured it would be. It is almost 2 hours away from Canaan. If I thought traffic was bad in general around Haiti, Port tops it all. When you first get into the city, it is a fight to be able to turn left onto any road. You really just have to pull out in front of people, which was kind of scary being in the passenger seat. There literally were hundreds of endless tents set up alllll over the city. Everywhere you looked it was just solid tents. People set up in the port because they knew they would be closest to the aid coming in from the airport. It is a year later and really does not seem like much progress, if any. The rubble is still all over. Some of the people here told me there is at least 80% of the rubble still just laying there. Just on the outskirts of Port we passed a mass grave site. There was a huge area of land next to the mountain where they dumped hundreds of bodies after the earthquake, with tiny crosses all over. It was really sad. It seems as though these people are just content living in these tents, many don’t have any other option at this point. The tents more on the outskirts looked as though they were making them more permanent homes. It amazes me how bad off these people have it. But it is very hard to find anyone without a smile on their face. And most of their daily lives are surrounded by worship and God. I fully believe the only reason most of these people are still alive is because of God and the faith they have. There is no earthly reason why some of these starving people should be surviving, but by the grace of God.
We have a missionary visiting this week. He has traveled all over the world, and he said today in his sermon, this is by far the most spiritual place he has ever been, and the children here are something he has never seen. It really is an act of God. Being surrounded by such grateful people who have absolutely nothing, except God has been such a rewarding experience. Whether I teach these children anything, they have definitely taught me something I could have learned nowhere else. I hope to bring a piece of this love back home with me.

--Mass gravesite

--Tents

LOVE these kids!

Always Chaos

We went to a beach just across the street from Canaan, called Club Indigo. It was so much nicer than the last resort we went to. Both are great, but I liked Indigo better! So when you first drive in you stop your car in this ditch full of bleach water and there is a guy who sprays off your tires. This is something they have started because of the Cholera. When you walk into the resort you walk through more bleach water to clean off your feet. And before you go in for lunch there is a person standing at the entrance who gives you a couple of drops of hand sanitizer. It all makes sense, but was still kind of weird.
This place has a “snack bar” which has burgers, chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs etc. But included in the price we paid for the “day” at the beach we got the lunch buffet. There was SO much food! Probably the most I have eaten since I have been here. It was really good. It costs about 30 American dollars for the day at the beach and lunch. Plus if you want drinks or anything else you have to buy tickets. Each ticket is one American Dollar and tickets are the only way you can pay for things. So instead of being able to go to the snack bar or drink bar with your wallet to pay, you have to go to the front desk and buy tickets and you pay everywhere with tickets. Both resorts have been like this. And thinking about it now, it makes sense. Because this means all the cash is kept in one spot, so less likely to get stolen. That may not be their reasoning, who knows. This beach was a lot less rocky and much easier on my feet. There were Cabanas all over that were so nice. Literally more comfortable than my bed here at Canaan! I think most things are more comfortable than this bed…
It amazes me that we can be walking down the road, poverty surrounding us, people starving and homeless….cross the road and there is a fabulous resort. I know there are places all over the world like that; it is two completely different worlds right next to each other.
So had a great relaxing day at the beach, it was great to get away from being cooped up at Canaan. Even though we were just across the street, whole other world.

Sunday was the usual church and then a much needed nap. Church here takes it out of me every time! Before dinner I decided to bake some cookies for the kids for Valentine’s Day. I can’t remember the last time I have made cookies from scratch, much less in an EXTREMELY hot kitchen, no lights and very limited ingredients. But I got a recipe from dear Martha Stewart and did the best I could. Seriously the best cookies EVER! I was quite proud of myself. I don’t think I will be doing it again anytime soon though. I don’t know how our AMAZING cook stays in that room every day all day. I was eaten alive my mosquitoes and sweating to death. No thank you…

Monday, Valentine’s Day
I made valentines for all the girls in my class and put them at their desks before school and they loved them. Most of them have them hanging on their walls of the desk. I got so many cute letters back from the girls as well. It was really sweet!
That evening Kendall and I walked down to get some Cokes before dinner. We brought what we thought was 50 goude which would have covered two cokes, but it was 50 cents, which is a fraction of a goude, so clearly it was not enough money. However the little old man at this hut let us take the cokes and we said we would pay him the next day. So that was really sweet of him. Of course we went the next day and paid him. Thank goodness for Kendall knowing some Creole because it was a different man and she had to explain the situation. He understood her and everything worked out. I know pretty much zero Creole, so I depend on her J.

A few of the V-Day cards from the kids!

Tuesday
I went into town with Elsie and 3 of the babies to get some shots. What a mess. Elsie speaks Creole and does not really have a problem with it. However it seems that many of the Haitian nurses around here have no clue about what’s really going on. They were out of the shot the babies needed, then got Chibelson mixed up with Caleb and gave him the wrong shot; we ended up leaving still needing 3 shots for the 3 babies. Train wreck, as are most things around here, communication is NOT a strong point for anyone. So we ran into one of the doctors who runs a small orphanage just next door to Canaan. He had a four year old boy, who has polio, and this baby was SO sick. I am still not even sure if he made it. I don’t have a clue what was wrong, but such a precious baby who I had seen just a couple weeks ago and was smiling and laughing. I have yet to hear how he is today, but I pray that little baby makes it through this sickness.

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi

lovin my hammock!

Sad Days

Where to begin, it’s been a few days…  Saturday was pretty uneventful except for dinner. Right outside of the orphanage there is a “night club” called the Stop Over, it’s also a restaurant. On the weekends we can hear them blasting their music ALL night. So we went there for dinner because we have been giving our cook Saturdays off. She literally spends ALL day every day in the kitchen cooking for us. Has breakfast ready at 7, lunch at 12 and dinner at 530. Breakfast is always either pancakes and peanut butter and bananas or eggs, skillet cooked viena sausages (so gross), REALLY good breakfast potatoes, peanut butter, bread, bananas or rice pudding, peanut butter, bread and bananas or baked oatmeal, peanut butter, bread and bananas. Lunch is always either spaghetti with bread or tuna and peanut butter or random meats and peanut butter. Dinner usually consists of almost always, fried plantains, rice, red sauce, pickleys (chopped up onions and peppers soaked in vinegar, SO good) and some sort of fried meat. Pretty much no healthy meal…and pretty sure I won’t be eating peanut butter or bananas for a LONG time after this trip. All that to say; we ate at the Stop Over on Saturday and had, meat, fried plantains, pickleys, and French fries. Oh so healthy.

So Sunday we had our normal 3 hour long church service in Creole. And then we went to visit some people who have been working with the clean water for Haiti mission. They are going back to the states for a bit to figure out what their next mission in life is. So we drove to this other mission where they were spending their last week. Kendall and I rode in the back of the truck so we could get sun and it was amazing! Besides being uncomfortable and can’t imagine all the dust I inhaled, but I needed my sun time. This place was so beautiful. It was about an hour away, but such a difference. The land was so lush. Around Montrouis most natural resources are depleted, the land is pretty bare. But where we went, Borrell, they seemed to have clean looking water and vegetation everywhere. It was a nice change of scenery. The facilities at this mission were really nice as well. They were almost finished building a dorm that could house up to 200 people, missionaries, and underneath a new cafeteria and kitchen. They run a Haitian school of around 400 kids. They have two houses for full time missionaries, the teachers and their families. They are in the process of trying to start a school for the missionaries children, there are about ten of them. I wish I had a picture of the merry go round on their play ground! The base was a circle that spins like normal, but then they had little chairs welded onto the surface. So there were four chairs which the kids could sit in and be spun. It was SO weird! But resourceful I suppose.
Nothing really eventful happened the next couple days, just school and normal life around Canaan; then yesterday happened. About an hour before dinner Kendall and I walked down the road to exchange our sprite bottles and get new ones. Their sodas come in half liter glass bottles, which they always reuse. Every place I have been has crates full of soda bottles, when the crate is filled with empty bottles they take them back to be reused. Quite resourceful, we could learn a thing or two from these people. So when you buy the first bottle its usually 25 goude, which is just over 50 cents in America. Then when you return the bottle the next soda only costs you 17 goude. So you save money and recycle. Anyways that tangent to get to my point…
So we walked down to get sprites and on the way up Kendall wanted to take me to the village just outside of Canaan. I had never seen or been into this village, but it is where most of the children that play just outside of Canaan are from. Kendall and Caroline know most of these children and have been to their house before.  So she took me to this village and I finally got to see how these people really truly live. It is bad. We stepped into this “house” a concrete room with cement floor, no more than 30 square feet, if even. There was a plastic shelf as you walked in with their dishes and silver, and random odd and ends. There were two beds, lifted off the ground. It looked like they slept on and under the beds. Then in between the beds a sheet laid out where I assume someone else slept. This room housed a mother, father and four children. One was just a baby 4 months old. They had a stack of plastic chairs. Immediately as we stepped in the house, the father stood up from his chair and got another chair and offered them to us. So we sat, as they stood. That’s how they all are. When a white person comes anywhere near they treat you with such respect and are SO nice. We couldn’t converse much because, well I speak zero Creole and Kendall just knows the basics right now. We sat and played with the baby for a bit and then said our goodbyes. It was rough finally seeing the inside of one of their homes. You can hear about it, but being there is so much different. The little boy from that house then took us to where many of the other children were. There were about 10 kids and they literally just CLING to you. I don’t know exactly what they think of us, or why they are so in love with us Blancs, but it’s very odd. I have never seen these children in my life and they just wouldn’t let go; grabbing onto your hands and arms, almost fighting to give you a hug, hanging all over you. We said hello to some of the women around. One of them quickly got her baby dressed and handed him to Kendall. Saying he was hungry. She said his mother was sick and could not breast feed him and they had no food. But there was absolutely nothing we could do. It’s hard because yes, all I wanted to do was give them money or food, but it just doesn’t work like that.  Once you give them anything then they expect it and it becomes an issue. The baby looked healthy and was actually pretty chubby. It definitely would have been different if he looked physically malnourished. But any chance they have for maybe some food or money, they will take. So these children stay clinging to us and walk all the way with us to the Canaan property line, I almost couldn’t get them to let me go. It was such an overwhelming feeling. Most of them did not have shoes; one of the boys about 5 years old was grasping onto us and was completely naked. A few girls just in their underwear and a few that were pretty much clothed. Still, describing this does no justice. It was a very sad day.

Most families live off of less than 2 US dollars a day…to feed their WHOLE family. Yes things are cheap here for me as an American, but for what little money they make, things are insanely expensive for them. They have almost completely depleted their resources here in Haiti and most everything has to be imported which means things are much more expensive. These people are farming the same way they were 400 years ago. There are not many places in the world that have not developed with the passing years. Here they have not been taught any differently and it has caused for terrible farming land and almost total deforestation. All the mountains in pictures I have taken used to be filled with trees. Now nothing is left. The only reason we have trees here at Canaan is because when they first started building, they planted the trees. I have seen pictures of when this place was first started there was not a tree in sight. Now it is so shaded, we really don’t get any sun. If you are down at the ocean and look up, you can spot Canaan, it really is the only place covered.

Tomorrow we are going to the beach; it will be good to clear my head. Things have been tense around here and the days have been hard. I hope next week can bring some joy to our lives here at Canaan.

Unexpecting

-The note one of the girls gave me after passing her test :-)

So the one girl who could not pass her math test finally passed! And since her I have worked with 3 other girls, two of them have also passed and the third, I have not even let her try again yet. This girl is 13 and can't add...she seems to be able to do simple multiplication and division, but adding and subtracting just is not clicking. For example 7-2; she writes down 7 tally marks and crosses out 2 of them. I knew she had failed her test so I gave her some example problems and watched her work them out in this manner and I was in disbelief. Kendall’s kindergarten class is working on adding right now and learning it much better than this 13 year old girl. I am not sure what to even do, but I hope that God will just let me find a way to teach this young girl. Things have been getting better with school, the kids are responding better, especially since I have watched a few of them finally pass a couple tests. Hopefully each week can have some results.

I had my first fall yesterday…I was walking on the edge of a mound of rocks and they just collapsed and I went down. Thankfully I had on a skirt down to my ankles or it would have been MUCH worse. My legs are all skinned up and I ripped a hole in my skirt. I have had a skinned knee in a LONG time and it freaking hurts BAD! I knew it was bound to happen, but still not very impressed.

Kendall has this one girl in her class, who just has a terrible attitude. She always looks angry at the world and just doesn’t listen or respond to anything. She has two older brothers, and two sisters. One of her sisters was adopted last year. She still talks about her. These children were found living on the streets, their oldest brother who is only 13, I think 11 at the time, was taking care of them all. Both of their parents are dead, and somehow by the grace of God, Sister Gladys found these children and brought them here. I can’t even imagine being so young and taking care of 4 kids, one a baby at the time. The baby girl was adopted when she was one years old and you can tell it is just hard for them all. Of course the baby is going to get adopted and the older ones will be here for life. It really is hard to see this girl and the way she just rebels. She has some serious hurt in her heart. I pray this girl can work things out and learn to love her life and the people around her. I think she is maybe 6 or 7 and has just had a terrible life so far.

Kendall went down to read the younger girls a book before bed last night, so I went along. I sat and watched about 20 girls, from 5 to 13 years old; get ready for bed last night. I haven’t really seen their living accommodations, but last night I got my fill. They live better than most in the country, but I didn’t realize how little they really have. First of all the mattresses here, even the one I sleep on, is about two inches thick and TERRIBLE. Then I saw that not a single girl has a pillow! I guess I just assumed they would? They have no pillows; a few don’t have sheets on their bed. They just sleep on the straight mattress. They have a couple showers and a toilet, but Kendall said they use the restroom outside and shower with buckets outside most of the time, I am really not sure why? They put a bucket of water under a couple beds and that is where they use the restroom in the middle of the night. It was very odd to see all this. In my head I just had a vision of how they lived and I was way off. However they don’t seem to mind, this is just the way they live and it is accepted. Still yet another shock to me…

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It's not.  ~Dr. Seuss