Calming

Things have definitely calmed down a bit here at Canaan. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us! 
Sister Gladys left on Friday with 9 kids, headed for the states. They missed convention, but still get to spend almost 2 weeks just seeing America. I wish I could be here when they returned, I would love to hear how their experience was!

Some guys came to fix the water pump on Friday, but apparently it was not the pump, it was a couple leaks in our pipes combined with our pipes being too big and not getting enough pressure to make it up the hill to our houses. I think they fixed it short term, but long term, in order to use the new well, they will probably have to get all new pipes. We just started getting water today, but its really dirty water. Hopefully it will clean out soon.

Luckily, our great friend Karl, who lives down at the beach resort, Moulin Ser Mer, has let us shower at his place every night for the past couple of nights. It has been such a blessing! Hot water, air conditioning and TV. A definite change from Canaan life! He is going home Tuesday for a 10 day vacation. We may be spending some time over there next week enjoying air conditioning and TV .

Things seem to be getting better around here, but most of us will be leaving within the next 3 weeks.
So prayers for the new missionaries coming!
A girl will be coming tomorrow to take over the Mamba program for Caroline while she takes a short break. On the 10th 4-5 new girls will be coming for the summer reading and art program. There will literally be no long term missionaries here, nor Sister Gladys or Pastor Henry for most of their stay. I really hope they get used to the crazy life here and can make it through!

Caroline, Kendall and I are all leaving June 8th. I am super excited for Kendall to be on the same flight as me, because most of the time, leaving Haiti, you’re lucky to make your connecting flight. Everyone’s on Haitian time, always at least an hour late.
Pray for Caroline as this is her first break since October! She is beyond excited to get home! Things in America change every 5 minutes, so I’m sure it will be a pretty big change after 8 months of being in Haiti. Chick-fil-a is bound to be her first stop!
I hope to spend this summer fundraising and finding a short-term job so that I can come back for all of next year! I am excited for going home, but last time I missed this place SO much! I hope I can last 2 months!
I am so excited for next year, just pray for me, that I find the funds to make it back! I don’t know what I would do without this place in my life right now. God has put me exactly where I need to be. I have complete faith he will make things work out!

 

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

Lifeless

Today proves another difference in our cultures. 
Here at Canaan we are SO incredibly blessed. We are sheltered from many of the evils and horrors of this country. We don't see the riots and craziness that goes on daily. Things you could never imagine. Things that you just wouldn't be able to get away with in America. You can get away with here, even murder.  Sister Gladys has told us horror stories, but stories are much different than real life. 
Kendall has been going to Port every day with Sister Gladys for the past two weeks. My last visit I was here for 3 months and maybe went to Port 3 times. So this is an unusual amount for her. That town is crazy and just on the outskirts there is a town called City Solei, it's considered the slums of Haiti. The poorest of the poor, filled with gangs and unimaginable poverty. 
As they were driving home today, Kendall left this sheltered life of Canaan and had to experience real life in Haiti...
On the side of the road, a main road, next to the soccer field where all the kids play, was a man, lying with his head towards the traffic and a rope around his neck, clearly deceased. Kendall has described the image in much more detail to me, it's not ok what she had to see. It's an image she probably will never forget. But along with the image, the most heart breaking of all, is how ok this is in Haiti. How people were walking and driving right around him, going on with their daily lives. 
See here, if you steal, they just kill you. They leave you out in broad daylight for everyone to see, so everyone knows you were a thief. Clearly we don't know the story behind this death. Judging by what was described, this man probably betrayed someone, somehow. 
Regardless of the circumstances, it's just not okay. At least not in my eyes. I am not saying murders and deaths don't happen. Or that people all over the world don't see devastating things. It's not so much the act or image, just saddened how normal the whole concept seems.  
Sister Gladys said you just learn to block it. You see so many horrible things that you have to block them out and go about your life. This is clearly what they have to do around here. 
One of the girls from school was in the car. She's about 15 or 16. She was going to town to try to get her Visa. Kendall said when the girl saw this, she laughed... It's like they truly don't know how to deal with emotions. They don't cry, so instead I suppose their reaction is to laugh. I can't imagine the feelings going through Kendalls head at this point. 
To be honest when she told me this, I myself just blocked it out. It didn't seem real. It is nothing I could ever imagine seeing. Not just on the side of the road, while people calmly walked by.  Most of all it just breaks my heart to see how unaffected these people have needed to become. I can't blame them, at some point you just become numb. Especially if you start seeing all this destruction and death as a young child. Today just one more hit. God keeps throwing curve balls. We just keep praying. 
This is life. This is normal. This is Haiti. 


Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Discouraged

Each day it seems, we are hit with a new blow. I feel like everything is against us. Not only Canaan, but especially the missionaries. We struggle to understand the culture here sometimes, but we do not judge them for who they are, what they believe or how they live. However we continue to feel their judgements every day. Here lately more frequently. We can't help that we have grown up in America, that we were definitely blessed throughout our lives. God has put me here for a reason, and I have chosen to accept being here and living this way. However we cannot help but miss certain luxuries, such as running water and air conditioning; missing family and friends. I can also not apologize for missing these things. Yet they blatantly judge us.
We often go down to the beach, even just in the evenings at times, to enjoy certain things which are normal to us. We have a friend who lives there and he let us spend the afternoon in his air-conditioned apartment watching television. Something we really enjoyed! We had a rough morning and spending time there put us all in better spirits.
That small act, us enjoying air-conditioning, caused more issues. Caused another blow. Proving some people here do not understand us and clearly choose to not even try.
It's disheartening. I love this country and these people. I am here because I choose it, because God chose it. I refuse to let these people push me away. That doesn't make it easy though. I know in my heart this is where I am supposed to be.
I believe we have all just been so shattered lately. I hope we can all just turn to God in this time and fight this together. How can we ask others to pray for us, when we are unwilling to pray for each other here.   We need more than ever to come together, and fight these evils, because it is clear at this point, they are winning....

"Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me- now let me rejoice." Psalm 51:8

Broken Down

Remember how they say things always get worse before they get better…
I am laying in my bed napping this afternoon. I wake up hearing what sounds like all of Canaan marching up the hill behind our house. Well, here goes all these Canaanites and Sister Gladys up the hill. At this point I just think it’s another one of her get together’s, maybe some prayer time. How wrong I was.
Canaan has about 90 acres of land, none of which is fenced in. Sister Gladys and Pastor Henry just feel safe and feel no reason to fence us in. Well lately we have been getting more and more of what we call squatters. People who are slowing moving onto our land and building houses. They keep getting closer and closer.
I am not exactly sure what happened to start this chain of events today, but clearly something set SG off. So she marched up the hill and more or less told all the people to get off of our land or else. There was a new house being built way too close, so she decided to break it down….not even kidding. She also said, she would break more tomorrow!
They really are not too thrilled about it…We can hear them screaming from our house. Clearly Canaan does not have our land marked off, so I don’t really think these people knew. However, at this point they are throwing a fit. I guess I would be too if I just got kicked out of my house, even though I was on someone else’s land.
They have been screaming for quite some time…really not too impressed. Just before dinner they started throwing rocks at the boys dorm. So SG went over and unleashed. Then they started throwing rocks towards her. Sister Gladys and Pastor Joel have been standing guard for almost 2 hours now. One of the ladies pushed Pastor Joel and tried to fight him, but Sister Gladys got in between them. That woman is afraid of nothing! Love her!
Now the UN have showed up and hopefully are stepping in. It is really dark outside, so I am not sure what is going on at the moment. Just pray for us! Once everyone goes to bed, there is no telling what these crazy people might try! I am sure there will be people up all night guarding, but you never know around here. TIH, you just can’t make this stuff up!

Patience

 

I somehow missed the patience trait. I try so hard with these kids, but they push you to your limits. They crave one on one attention, and they only way they know how to get it, is by acting out. I have known that from the beginning, but it does not make it any easier. One minute they are so sweet, and two seconds later they can be your worst enemy.
Sister Gladys told us one of the kids came to her one day and was so upset. She was crying and asking why Sister Gladys didn’t care about her, because she never reprimanded her. This little girl never got in trouble, and felt that no one cared for her because of it.
It is hard to find a balance between being their supervisor and their friend. To be in school and be in charge, then an hour after school is over we are all hanging out. It’s too hard not to hang out with these kids. The difference in their personalities and attitudes in and outside of school is like night and day.
I lost my patience today and kicked one of the girls out of school. I couldn’t take it anymore. She refused to answer any questions I asked, and blatantly told me no on several occasions. Clearly I was being tested, and I failed miserably. It was all about the attention she could get, and I was just over it.
Also being that school is just a walk away from their dorms, children just disappear whenever they feel like it. There really is no control.  Too many kids and not enough teachers. Tomorrow we are going to be short 3 teachers. We are spread so thin. I have only been back at the school for 2 weeks and am reaching a breaking point. We are there from 730 until 5 most days and by Friday I am exhausted.
I have to just keep praying for my patience with these kids. I get to the point where I literally don’t think I can handle anymore, and somehow by the grace of God, I can’t help but love them all so much.

A new thing Sister Gladys is trying, a bible study with the Haitian adults. So tonight at 6 they all went to the café to meet. While Kendall, Caroline, Cassie, Greg and I got to watch 60 some odd children…talk about needing patience.  I’m thinking there is a possibility this will be a regular thing…It was totally crazy, but so much fun! It was a great chance to spend some quality time with all of the kids and babies. I am beyond exhaustion, they wear me out!
Ready for a good nights rest and hopefully a more patient day tomorrow!

Time to Process

Thank you to everyone who is praying for us at Canaan. Having today off, can’t decide if it has been a good thing, or a bad thing. I guess we keep ourselves so busy we don’t have much time to sit and think about everything that is happening around us. However, today we had that time. Sister Gladys finally had a day to process everything and talk with everyone. She met with the Haitian staff members this morning. Amongst all the evils and separation, yet another problem is between the Haitian staff and the American staff. For me personally, I can’t speak the language, so I am not trying to be rude. It is just very hard to communicate. However as a whole, they feel that the missionaries are being rude by not communicating. They brought this issue up to Sister Gladys, and said they are not going to care about us, if we refuse to care about them. Clearly that did not go over so well.
We have been going down to beach in the evenings a lot lately to try and escape all this stress. With Sister Gladys being away, we have not really communicated where we were going, or when we would get back. So this afternoon, we also got a firm talking to. A three and half hour conversation with Sister Gladys. It amazes me how much that woman knows. I have yet to sit and have a one on one conversation with her, yet she knows so many details about my life, and about who I am. God truly speaks through this woman. I can not fully explain, but she just knows. She knows everything. So far every time she has spoken to us, I have cried.
Amongst all this chaos, and even though she was a little frustrated with us, her words touched my heart.
I am feeling more at peace, but things around here are still not so great.
Right now she is speaking to the Haitian staff again. Earlier, she gave them an ultimatum. Shape up or leave. Some staff may be leaving us tonight. So I ask that you just pray for those people. I don’t know all the reasons, or details of this situation. I do know, we are short staffed as it is, so these next few weeks may be rough.
Convention….
As of now, last I heard, our kids will not be making it. There is not enough room on the flights. Check in is Saturday, or Sunday for a 25$ late fee per child. Even if they make it to Miami they still have to make the drive to Virginia. It’s not looking so great. We prayed a lot about it with Sister Gladys and she feels like this was all meant to happen. I believe the same. She feels that she needs to be here at Canaan through this rough time. She was thinking another option would be to take them next week, just for the end of convention, so they could see everyone’s work, and the award ceremony. Maybe get them to work harder for next year. And then spend a week traveling around. Who knows what will happen. It is all in God’s hands. All we can do is pray. Pray for these children, because they are going to be so devastated. Just pray that something good can come out of all of this craziness.

Prayer

How to sum up Canaan at the moment...things here are not so great. This place is always busy and always crazy. But lately there has just been more evil than usual. No one can explain it, or point out any certain causes. The spiritual warfare is at its worst. Spirts are low and stress is high.
Pastor Henry has been away for over a month now, in the states. Sister Gladys is here very little and has a ridiculous amount going on. She came back from the states on Sunday and has yet to really sleep. She is losing her voice and really I just do not know how this lady does it all.
They are trying to get some of the kids to Convention, for school, in the states. Getting them out of the country has been the most consuming and ridiculous thing I have ever seen. International Convention happens once a year, where kids from all over that are involved in the A.C.E program, can come together and compete in different competitions; sports, games, writing, etc. Canaan kids look forward to it every year, it's a chance for them to go to the states, and just a fun time to get away. However, things in Haiti and Canaan never go as planned.
Flights were bought for tomorrow. At this point, no one is leaving tomorrow. No visas have been granted yet. This has been such a long process, and they keep sending everyone in circles. One of the older girls is graduating, and her graduation is in Tennessee. She has been so excited and getting all the final things done. Today, they denied her. The Embassy said they did not think she had clear plans for while she was in the States. She still doesn't know. At this moment she is taking one of her last tests. It's heartbreaking.
To make things even better, tomorrow is flag day, a national holiday, everything in Haiti is shut down. The earliest the kids will be able to get Visas is Thursday. They are supposed to fly into Miami and drive to Virginia. Convention starts Saturday. The airline they are flying with has one flight a day. Not even sure if we do get the Visas, that there will be room on the flights. We still have no idea who is actually going to be able to leave, and these poor kids are packed and ready to go. No one has broken the news to them yet, no one knows what to say. No one knows if they will even make it at all.

Beyond the Convention...
Caroline was planning on leaving in a couple of weeks to take a baby to the states who needed surgery. The baby has no anus and going to the states to have surgery was actually an easy fix. It was just a matter of getting her there. Monday morning, the mother came to the clinic. There is no straight story, but the baby passed away on Thrusday. The family thinks it was witch craft, clearly that is not the case. The mother showed up saying she does not remember anything since Thrusday evening, when it all happened. She had been wandering around for almost 4 days. This has also put bad air over Canaan. Things were all set up for this little girl to fly to the states. I know God has a plan, and this baby is no longer suffering. It has been especially hard on Caroline, because she was so excited to take her back and help this little girl.

Some teachers in the school also have things going on. No one has voiced what exactly, but things have been different. The air is bad, tension is everywhere you turn. The missionaries have started to seperate, we have not had time for our weekly meeting. We're all on different schedules.
Elsie is supposed to be leaving in the morning for Costa Rica, but the president is supposed to be speaking in a town near Port, so she needs to leave really early to avoid crazy traffic. Things like this just don't happen in the states. It's such random chaos all the time.

There are also tadpoles in our shower. There were frogs in our water tank, that apparently laid eggs, (this is not the first time) and now we shower with tadpoles raining down on us. Fabulous.
Also, our amazing cook Sister Rose, has decided to leave. I think she is just burnt out. Spending all day in the kitchen by herself. They really need two cooks to have shifts, because the poor lady does not get to have a life. We do what we can to give her days off, but when groups come, its just so hard.

I feel like I am just complaining, but really I just don't even know what to do at this point.
Sister Gladys sat down with us last week and had a conversation with all the missionaries. I remember he specifically saying, bad things are happening at Cannan, please just pray. Bad things are happening, we may not see them, but we all feel them. It is tense all the time. If we don't start to really pray, I fear for what might come. Life here is hard enough, all of this added....
We all just need prayer. The missionaries, Pastor Henry, Sister Gladys, the children, the workers, all of Haiti. Please just pray for things here....

A day in the life...

Finally back to Haiti! I have missed this place SOOO much! I knew I missed it, but did not realize how much, until I got to see all the beautiful faces of these children! I left Canaan in the middle of their fair. It was an absolutely crazy time, and I was looking forward to coming back to a somewhat more peaceful place, as peaceful as Canaan can get. Oh was I wrong!
I came back in time for school training. They are putting the teachers through the official training course, I believe they do it once a year. I changed my flight so that I could make it here in time for this course. What a surprise I was in for.

My trip started at 430 am on Sunday, leaving Tennessee. I arrived at 11 am in Haiti and was SUPER excited to take a nap. Wrong. There was someone else arriving at 330, so we had to hang out in Port until she arrived. Devastation. Also actually brought back Chick-fil-a for dear Caroline, who might be slightly obsessed with the place. I was totally counting on her picking me up from the airport....wrong again. Sad day, however, the food did make it safe and sound back to her, it was kinda like Christmas haha. So hung out in Port for about four hours, sat in the car with the windows down in the blazing hot sun...WELCOME BACK! It was all worth it though when finally around 6 pm I arrived at Canaan! I missed these kids more than anything!!!
Kendall and I were hoping to get our old room back. Still wrong. I totally do not mind where I am living now though, but the first night was rough! Cassie and a visiting girl were already in our room, so Kendall and I had to sleep on the top bunk....zero fun. Thankfully I was totally exhausted from my day, but I am not a fan of the top bunk. The rats are really loud on our roof and I thought they were just going to come through the ceiling and on my face...Things are settled now and we are both on the bottom bunk thankfully!

So day two begins...we are supposed to be at breakfast at 7 and training at 745. So bright and early after a pretty rough nights sleep, I show up to breakfast...745 rolls around and still no breakfast. Luckily no one could start until we all ate, so it all worked out. So we get to training around 845. We sit in Naomis office until about 1030, I have to remember I am on Haitian time now...always a few hours behind schedule!

So this training class, it has turned Canaan upside down. I thought the fair was rough, this is a whole other evil. This school training has put me as the student...its really not fun. We are treated and expected to act as the children should. Which wouldnt be as bad, except two of the students are helping out. So here I am sitting at my desk asking "my" students if I am allowed to go use the restroom....quite the experience. The first day really felt like a total slap in the face, and I was not the least bit impressed. I was actually quite angry, and it definetly showed. I did not mean to act this way, it was just very hard to be put in that position. To make things even more difficult, our eating schedule was turned all upside down. Since all of the missionaries have our own work throughout the day, mealtimes are when we get to relax and talk about things. I assumed after my first morning in "class" I would be able to vent a little at lunch and ask for some prayer...andddd wrong! Sister Gladys told Cassie and I we were no longer missionaries this week, we were "students" and we were to act like the students all week. This was not helping my frustration. So here's the thing about Haitains. They eat their big meal "dinner" at lunch time. Guess how we are having meals this week, biggg meal at lunch. Fried chicken, rice, plantains, beans, sauce. Great meal, but weird for lunch. Dinner time and its Labouyi, kind of a sweet plantain mush. Not bad, but weird for dinner. This is how they eat around here. Usually all the missionaries sit around eating such great meals for dinner, while everyone else eats this. So its been quite the humbling experience. Breakfast today, spaghetti. Thank goodness I was late and didn't get any, God knew I wouldn't be able to stomach it. Spaghetti and 7 in the morning, not happening. Lunch was rice and meat and beans, the usual. Then there was dinner. It has been the most interesting so far. Bread, butter, cake and hot chocolate...Quite the combination. Mind you this hot chocolate was the BEST I have EVER had! However its about 95 degrees outside, and probably even hotter than that in the cafe with its tin roof. Hot Chocolate...in Haiti, rough!
On to the good news though. I finished all my work today before lunch, and am mostly free from sitting in the boiling hot classroom all day! I still have a few group activites to work throughout the week, but finished 5 PACEs in a day in a half...my kids totally have NO excuses anymore! I took five tests, wrote a report and memorized my bible verse and also read it backwards woot woot. Which gives me E privledge, meaning I would not have to ask permission every time I needed to score, or use the restroom, etc. Doesn't matter much since I am finished. However happy to say I was the first to complete the course and the first to recieve the privledge :o). Wish I had been such an overachiever in High School or College!!
Three days in, rough at times, but This is Haiti! Beyond happy to be back. We will see where this week takes me!